So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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