And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize