wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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