I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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