i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
