College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
