There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
