The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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