admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
