His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
