just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
