Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
