so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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