That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
