Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
