rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
