You made me cry and you don't even care
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
