So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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