we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
