It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my shit smells like andre
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
