Your face is a jimmy john
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
