yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.