So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
