You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?