The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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