My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
