I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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