i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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