Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize