you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
