Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
