i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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