Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
