Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
zippers are such a cool invention
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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