You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
