I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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