Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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