So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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