Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
