I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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