The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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