you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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