she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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