YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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