My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
