remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
