here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am spending my child support on dildos
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
