So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
