haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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