im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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