I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they're like a gay fantastic four
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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