I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it because I queefed?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
