"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
