Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
