you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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