I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
