we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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