Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
