You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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