i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
