i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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