its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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