I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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