weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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